When to throw your Joker back in the deck!

Shout out to all my exes. Without you, Fall in Love With Yourself First would not be such a success! I kid! But thank you, really though lol! Here we go! Hey y’all! Jasi is back. Inspiration has been coming at me from so many different angles lately. I get a lot of “So there’s this guy” or “What does if it means if a guy does this or that”. Seeing things with “single eyes” has broadened my horizon on relationships AND “situationships”. I was recently having a very in-depth conversation with a platonic male friend a few days ago and he asked me one question, “Jasmin do you ever think you would get married again?” Absolutely. Jasi is “love”. My life evolves around love and I love black love! One failed marriage did not change my views on marriage. My future husband is out there SOMEWHERE praying for me as I write this blog. Falling in love is magical, indescribable. It’s a feeling that cannot be explained BUT how do you spot a Joker? I will reveal tomorrow in my newest blog entitled “Forbidden Fruit”. Stay tuned.

Love and Light✨

Jasi 

NO VALIDATION NEEDED

Before I begin, I must say not every blog written is about a personal experience. My platform discusses an array of topics. Today’s topic came from every woman’s place to vent, “the HAIRSALON”. Let me tell you, I’m sure there are many men who wish they could be a fly on the wall in every hair salon and nail salon from Texas to Canada! Now that I have a son and I am a single mother, I also spend time in the barbershop, occasionally. Let’s be clear, the men cut up way more than the ladies! 

Recently the ladies, well one specific lady, was talking about a “situationship” she had unexpectedly fallen into. For those of you who don’t know what a “situationship” is, it is basically a no strings attached relationship; a situation. Situations can get ugly and are unhealthy mentally, emotionally and in some

cases psychologically long term. Imagine an “it’s complicated” relationship status on Facebook. 

There are some people who prefer “no strings attached” relationships. If this is you and it works for you, I wish you all the happiness. This particular lady wasn’t happy. I sat in silence for a while because my transparency may come across as rude to some, however, most appreciate it.

Key factors she mentioned that were bringing her down emotionally and mentally were:

-feeling like a number in his Rolodex 

-days without calls or even a are you still alive text

-she felt like she wasn’t good enough (oh hell no)

-putting her life on hold to be monogamous but was unsure if he actually was (blank stare)

-her actually telling him how certain behaviors made her unhappy 

-being limited to time spent together

She went on about how much he tells her he cares about her, doesn’t want to

lose her (blah, blah, blah) and how she’s fallen for him. Then she looked at me in the in the eyes and asked me what did I think and how would I personally approach the situation. Of course, my beautician said

“Jas invented the “exit interview”. She threw me to the wolves but I was ready.

Game face on! I simply asked her “how does he make you feel?” ONE QUESTION! She just wept. I replied, “Sis that’s your answer. Yes he may care about you but you’re merely a

convenience. He doesn’t talk about the future, he doesn’t change his behaviors when you mention your feelings, and is emotionally unavailable. He may care about you but he doesn’t value you nor respect you” BOOM! 

I told her an exit interview isn’t needed but more self love is. Women are natural born nurturers. We are molded to put our feelings on the back burner to care for others. The hardest part is admitting you’re accepting less than you deserve and walking away. We complain and cry instead of taking action because then we have to take accountability. Instead of seeking validation, seek self love.

❤️Jasi

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH

This month I will be sharing stories with my readers about my personal battle with anxiety, PTSD and depression. I’ll be discussing situations, triggers, how sometimes my friends identified them instead of me; and so much more. I will be sharing my stories LIVE via Facebook. LIKE AND FOLLOW my blogs Facebook page “Fall In Love With Yourself First”. Let’s put it all out there. My mission is to educate everyone, ESPECIALLY the African American community about mental health awareness. Please join me and feel free to share your testimonies and ask any questions. I am #UnapologeticallyJasi so be careful what you ask for. Chat soon! #MentalHealthAwarenessMonth Outfit by @fashionnova #NovaBabe

ROLL IN PEACE

Imagine being stripped naked in front of a large crowd or even in the presence of someone who makes you feel vulnerable. How would that experience make you feel? Would you run off to look for a hiding place or stand there and bare yourself? I'm a ‘what you see is what you get’ type of woman, however, being transparent isn't easy. When you are open and honest there is always someone, somewhere waiting for the opportunity to assassinate your character. People will judge your actions without fully understanding the situation. This doesn’t only apply to intimate relationships. This also applies to life. What brings me happiness is basking in my truth. Being unapologetically, Jasi. When we internalize things and hold them in it affects our mental and emotional well-being.

I must admit, lately, I've had writer's block. I've felt like I'm smothered, and for every step forward, I’m pushed 5 steps back. Many readers have personally messaged me inquiring about why I never mention my sons father in my blog posts. Initially, it was out of respect. Now, its lead me back to suffering in silence. No more. Here we go!

My mom raised me to understand that parenting is a full time job. I don’t  get to choose when to be a mother, my life evolves around being a mother and co-parenting works the same way. Unfortunately for me and some other parents in similar situations, whether mother or father, we are left to pick up the slack. In my case, co-parenting with my sons father does not exist. I have made multiple attempts to bridge the gap but have been unsuccessful. At this point my hands are tied. When it comes to my son, I am a SINGLE mother. I care for my son FULL TIME and I parent him solely. Almost two years ago, this is not where I envisioned my life to be. I thought I was getting the white picket fence, marrying my best friend and forever Husband. Today, when I call, the phone doesn't even ring. Emails are non responsive. The only time I receive feedback from him is when I make social media posts of me living my life, in an attempt to criticize me and pull me down (how ironic considering we are not social media friends). Everything I have, I have worked for. Everything that is yet to come and everything I'm coming for, I DESERVE. Simply put, I am disgusted with the actions or less there of from his father and his family. I thought long and hard before making this statement, but my platform is to be transparent. I feel my son deserves better than this. My family doesn't do things for accolades, nor we do we ‘put on’ for social media. We are all unapologetic and we do not put our children in the middle of spousal wars. The difference between my ex and I, for me, is that losing him as a spouse did not make him an enemy. I still wanted to see him win so that our son could thrive. In my case, it doesn't take two to tango considering he obviously chose an alternate route. I chose the higher route. Walking away took self-respect, self-love and courage in order to position myself and my children for the life we deserve.

Mentally and emotionally, I am drained. I have three children to care for. My parents, baby sister, and my sister circle have watched as this has all taken a toll on me in recent weeks. These barriers have reminded me why I started my blog. No more suffering in silence. My baby sister is always there to remind me, my son is in the crossfire and his livelihood is priority. I've always been observant; my ex chose the cruel route (from the end of our marriage to the present); constantly criticizing my choices, stop supporting our son by ceasing childcare payments (which was the only support I was receiving), and blocking my number to prevent himself from even communicating with my son via FaceTime. He is already many states away. My sons face would light up every time he saw his father, and that has been taken away. Be mindful, my daughters have never witnessed this, as their father and I successfully co-parent.

Unhappiness comes from the divide between what we expect and what we have. I no longer have any expectations from my ex. My focus now, is primarily on my children. I felt myself sinking until I had a very in depth conversation with a male friend, just a few days ago. What he said put things into perspective for me and my writers block disappeared. He stated,  "Jasmin, you are strong but most importantly you are brave. Everybody can’t bare themselves the way you do. I hope in time, I can become as transparent as you are." Tears started flowing. To my dear friend, thank you.

-Jasi💕