LAYING SOLID FOUNDATIONS THROUGH HEALING

How do you heal when you are broken? How do you break the cycle? Unless you can answer these questions and have an action plan in place your life will be constant chaos. 

TIME HEALS

Time heals, literally. You have to be patient when putting the pieces of your life back together. You must spiritually strengthen yourself. I’m very close to my parents and as I’ve gotten older, our bond has become stronger. My Daddy told me “Jasmin take your time. Cut all ties before you move on”. My parents are a source of constant love and support. They’ve always supported my endeavors. And my baby sister encouraged me to journal which resulted into this blog. When you are ready to move on do not settle or ignore red flags. 

When I was broken, it seemed like everyone around me was getting a blessing but me. I felt discouraged. I prayed constantly. Have you ever loved someone so much that you prayed to UNLOVE them? That’s where I was. Psalm 147:3 reads: He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Your season will come but you must be patient. God may not show up when we want him too but he’s always on time. Gods timing. 

When you’re depressed you always have the capability to take control of your life. Engaging in healthy coping mechanisms put me on the right path to healing. For me, personally I started journaling daily. At the end of each week I would go back and read the journal entries to see where I was making progress and where I had opportunity to improve.

According to Everyday Health there are many alternatives: talking to a therapist, boost your self image (when we look good, we feel good right), stick to a schedule and even staying busy. I volunteer at my daughters school frequently. 

As your life begins to shift in a positive direction, you will realize you’re not the same person you used to be. DO NOT allow others to label you based on your past. Walking with God was my game changing strategy. Happy Healing! Love you all.

Tis’ The Season! Happy Holidays!

Isaiah 9:6

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace

Photography by: Keli Farley

CO-PARENTING SUPERPOWER

By web definition, co-parenting is when a separated or unmarried couple share the duties of parenting. My personal definition is providing my children with the perfect Mommy & Daddy balance. Thaddeus and I are 15 years in. We were high school sweethearts. Our priority is social psychological problem solving and collaborating.  Co-parenting increases children’s sense of security and reduces stress. In co-parenting, parents model respectful conflict resolution skills. Co-parenting increases the likelihood of 2 active parents remaining in the children’s lives. Our girls have the best of both worlds and unfortunately, Thaddeus and I must play good cop versus bad cop frequently; it’s pretty hilarious. Our families are very involved with one another and tag team responsibilities as well from school functions to birthday parties, We do it all TOGETHER! Lorraine Segal, MA was a community college professor for many years, before finding her true passion for helping people communicate better. Now, she has her own Sonoma County (Santa Rosa) based conflict management coaching, mediation, and training, business, Conflict Remedy. She works with parents and teens, couples, individuals and organizations to improve communication and resolve conflict. She also teaches in the Conflict Resolution program at Sonoma State University and offers workshops and training's on bullying issues for schools and other organizations. After 15 years, Thaddeus and I are still standing, all in. For this Man, I will forever be grateful.

Thanksgiving 2018

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

 

Checking In

Until Jesus is enough for you, no person or thing ever will be - TRIGGERS

Hello Everyone! The time has come. This week we will discuss the importance of self love and how it affects our mental and emotional well-being. According to the U.S. Centers of Disease Control and Prevention, nearly 1 in 10 adults lives with depression. There are different forms of depression. There are a million ways triggers can break you, yet still, you must put yourself back together. 

Major Depression
You may hear your doctor call this "major depressive disorder." You might have this type if you feel depressed most of the time for most days of the week.

Persistent Depressive Disorder
If you have depression that lasts for 2 years or longer, it's called persistent depressive disorder. This term is used to describe two conditions previously known as dysthymia (low-grade persistent depression) and chronic major depression.
Someone with bipolar disorder, which is also sometimes called "manic depression," has mood episodes that range from extremes of high energy with an "up" mood to low "depressive" periods.

When you're in the low phase, you'll have the symptoms of major depression.

Medication can help bring your mood swings under control. Whether you're in a high or a low period, your doctor may suggest a mood stabilizer, such as lithium.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

Seasonal affective disorder is a period of major depression that most often happens during the winter months, when the days grow short and you get less and less sunlight. It typically goes away in the spring and summer.

According to Wed MD, if you have SAD, antidepressants can help. So can light therapy. You'll need to sit in front of a special bright light box for about 15-30 minutes each day. This

 is a period of major depression that most often happens during the winter months, when the days grow short and you get less and less sunlight. It typically goes away in the spring and summer.
If you have SAD, antidepressants can help. So can light therapy. You'll need to sit in front of a special bright light box for about 15-30 minutes each day.

These are the most common forms of depression, but what triggers the imbalance? Though depression is a serious health condition that can't be washed away or ignored, it can be successfully treated. Once symptoms are under control, learning to recognize triggers may help you avoid another depressive episode. Personally identifying triggers help me maintain a life balance. The most common triggers are:

-feeling overwhelmed or stressed

-a second health condition

-losing your job or work related stress

-money woes

-unhealthy relationships (we will dig deeper into this one)

-sexual problems

-being overweight

-difficult life transitions

-alcohol abuse

-poor dieting

-poor sleeping habits

Don't worry, you're not missing out on anything. The next part of the Love After the Storm Series will discuss healthy coping methods. Chat soon!

I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God (Psalm 40:1-3).

JASI💗

MAINTAINING YOUR EMOTIONAL HEALTH

Emotional health is an important part of overall health. People who are emotionally healthy are in control of their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. They are able to cope with life’s challenges. They can keep problems in perspective and bounce back from setbacks. They feel good about themselves and have good relationships. Being emotionally healthy does not mean you are happy all the time. It means you are aware of your emotions. You can deal with them, whether they are positive or negative. Emotionally healthy people still feel stress, anger, and sadness. But they know how to manage their negative feelings. They can tell when a problem is more than they can handle on their own. They also know when to seek help from their doctor. Research shows that emotional health is a skill. There are steps you can take to improve your emotional health and be happier. My next blog will discuss triggers. Chat soon!

What does the Bible say about self-love, loving self?

Love as described in the Bible is quite different from the love as espoused by the world. Biblical love is selfless and unconditional, whereas the world’s love is characterized by selfishness. In the following passages, we see that love does not exist apart from God and that true love can only be experienced by one who has experienced God’s own love firsthand:

Romans 13:9–10, “The commandments, ‘Do not commit adultery,’ ‘Do not murder,’ ‘Do not steal,’ ‘Do not covet,’ and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.”

John 13:34–35, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

1 John 4:16–19, “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.”

The statement “love your neighbor as yourself” is not a command to love yourself. It is natural and normal to love yourself—it is our default position. There is no lack of self-love in our world. The command to “love your neighbor as yourself” is essentially telling us to treat other people as well as we treat ourselves. Scripture never commands us to love ourselves; it assumes we already do. In fact, people in their unregenerate condition love themselves too much—that is our problem.

In Jesus’ parable of the Good Samaritan, there was only one who showed himself to be a true neighbor to the man in need: the Samaritan (Luke 10:30–37). There were two others, a priest and a Levite, who refused to help the man in need. Their failure to show love to the injured man was not the result of loving themselves too little; it was the result of loving themselves too much and therefore putting their interests first. The Samaritan showed true love—he gave of his time, resources, and money with no regard for himself. His focus was outward, not inward. Jesus presented this story as an illustration of what it means to love one’s neighbor as one’s self (verse 27).

We are to take our eyes off ourselves and care for others. Christian maturity demands it. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3–4). According to this passage, loving others requires humility, a valuing of others, and a conscious effort to put others’ interests first. Anything less than this is selfish and vain—and falls short of the standard of Christ.

None of this should be taken to mean that we should see ourselves as “worthless.” The Bible teaches that we are created in the image of God, and that fact alone gives us great worth (see Luke 12:7). The balanced, biblical view is that we are God’s unique creation, loved by God in spite of our sin, and redeemed by Christ. In His love, we can love others.

We love others based on God’s abiding love for us in Christ. In response to this love, we share it with all whom we come in contact with—our “neighbors.” Someone who is worried that he doesn’t love himself enough has the wrong focus. His concern, biblically, should be his love for God and his love for his neighbor. “Self” is something we want out of the way so that we can love outwardly as we ought.

TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE

Hello, my name is Jasmin and I suffer from depression. Now that’s out the way; recently someone at work asked me was I sick. I replied no, just a tad tired. I mean I do care for three children entirely alone, one of whom is an energetic toddler. When they walked off I thought well damn do I look that bad and continued on. Fast forward a few hours later, I picked up my girls from school. When they got in the car they said Mom no offense but you look a little homeless. Understand, our children have no chill. They speak their minds and I value their feedback. My mental and emotional health affects them which is why I have taken control of my life. I thought, okay Jas enough is enough. I went home, starred in the mirror and realized I did indeed look as bad as everyone said I did. I cried and prayed harder than I’ve ever in my life. Sometimes things take over your life without you even realize it’s happening. Depression is real. You cannot let a diagnosis control your life. We must grab a hold onto our Lord and Savior and let him guide us.  As a woman of color, I do not have the luxury to be naive. Everyone needs a strong support system. My village is indestructible. Depression is something I battle with everyday and have with for years. There are triggers we will discuss in later blog posts. My spirit inspired me to share my story because there are so many people suffering. There are many resources available to help those in need. My blog will be a source of constant motivation and support. We are just beginning. 

Psalm 139:14 
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

JASI💗

Photo by: Colordujor Photography

MEET JASI

HI, MY NAME IS JASMIN. MANY CALL ME AN UNAPOLOGETIC CHRISTIAN AND A TRANSPARENT MOTHER. BEFORE I EXPOSE MY BLOG TO YOU, I MUST LET YOU KNOW THAT I AM NOT A LIFE COACH. I’M SIMPLY A YOUNG WOMAN WHO HAS EXPERIENCED MANY...MANY...MANY LIFE TRIALS. I’M A MOM OF THREE, I HAVE A FULL TIME CAREER AMONG OTHER TASKS I JUGGLE TO BE SUPERWOMAN TO MY THREE MUSKETEERS. I CANNOT EXPLAIN THAT LITTLE FOREHEAD KISS FROM MY BABIES OR EVEN THE THANK YOU MOM.  THE PURPOSE OF MY BLOG IS NOT FOR ACCOLADES, BUT IN THE MIDST OF A STORM, I REALIZED, MY TESTIMONY CAN BE HELPFUL TO OTHERS. I MET SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE WHO ENCOUNTERED THE SAME STRUGGLES I DID.  I WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE SUFFERING, EVEN THOUGH FOR A LITTLE MINUTE I KEPT ASKING GOD “WHY ME”. OVERTIME, I HAVE LEARNED TO EMBRACE EVERY SINGLE FLAW. WITH ME, WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET. I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BLOG, BUT MY PURPOSE HAD NOT YET BEEN REVEALED TO ME. SOMETIMES, YOU HAVE TO LET THINGS MARINATE, NOW IT IS “MY TIME”. TRANSPARENCY IS INTENTIONALLY BARING YOUR SOUL TO THE WORLD BY SHOWING YOUR TRUE SELF TO OTHERS. THERE ARE MANY REASONS AS TO WHY A PERSON WILL HIDE THEIR ESSENCE; IN FEAR OF REJECTION, LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE, BROKEN HEART OR SIMPLY A LACK OF FULFILLMENT IN LIFE; THERE ARE MANY REASONS A PERSON WILL HOLD BACK WHO THEY TRULY ARE...BUT THIS IS ME. MY STORY TOLD FROM THE ONLY PERSPECTIVE IT CAN HONESTLY COME FROM. 

Photo By: Keli Farley

Photo by: Corey Hanks